Book: The Mating Habits of Werewolves

Previous: Chapter Eleven
Next: Chapter Thirteen

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Chapter Twelve

Breeding

It was hard to be alone with Rami and Naveen, though. Or perhaps it was too easy. They would let me hide in my room for most of the day, peer reviewing to my heart’s content, as long as I joined them for meals. And in bed, because with Brennan around, it was either join them for real or engage in an uncomfortable pretence that required me to be covered in their come every night. I don’t object to getting a little dirty in bed, but intentionally messing myself up without getting an orgasm out of it seemed just stupid. And what I had told them was true: I felt better choosing to sleep with them now that I had a choice.

So I went to them for real; even if it was a reality in which a lot of things couldn’t happen between us. Well, mostly fucking, or paying me any attention before I asked for it. It was a little awkward. But isn’t sex always? And we all enjoyed it, as I could personally attest thanks to my supernatural sensitivity to their pleasure and my very natural one to my own.

It was working, I thought. And then they started acting oddly. They were never shy about touching each other: playful wrestling turning into make out sessions against various surfaces, casual arms around shoulders and waists that got soft bites or hair tugging in response. But even after I had started joining them in bed, they took no liberties out of it, and waited for my invitation. I had been happy for it at the beginning, but had ended up almost resenting the need for it, the reminder of my own weakness, the care they needed to take because I wasn’t strong enough to resist. That night in Scotland I had thought Naveen, at least, had got the message, had understood that the line wasn’t drawn that far back. But he was back to normal as soon as we were on English ground again. It made me wonder: did they even want to touch me like that? I was an Omega and they were attracted to me, but did they want me?

And then, without any warning or reason I could see, they started doing it. After a few days, I realised that their attention, normally centred on each other unless I invited their attention, was almost exclusively on me. I would get waylaid on my way to the kitchen by hands around my waist, and be refused passage through the hallway unless I agreed to be nuzzled and rubbed against. When I walked in and Naveen actually pushed me against the door, body holding mine against it as his tongue licked into my mouth, I realised something was off. I eased Naveen off with some whined protests from his part and sat them both down.

“Do I smell different?” I asked, keeping my eyes in the space between their heads, able to see their expressions but careful not to meet their eyes.

Rami’s eyes widened and he sat up ramrod straight on the sofa. “Yes.”

Naveen’s sulkiness fled his face to be replaced by wonder. “Yeah, you really do. I wonder… oh. Oh, Moon. You…”

Rami’s eyes slid down my body like he couldn’t quite control them. It was rude, and tremendously revealing. “You are ready.”

I kept myself from shrinking with an effort and didn’t scream that I wasn’t, that I would never be. He was right: my body was ready: it was time for them to breed me.

I nodded. “You’ve been touching me a lot,” I explained, mostly because I didn’t want to talk about what that had led us to discover. They hadn’t fucked me since the first time, but I had been dreading this moment my entire life. And after the way the sex had made me feel, I had no doubt that, whatever my body wanted, I wouldn’t enjoy it. The sofa dipped next to me, first on the right, then on the left and I realised my eyes were closed. I didn’t open them. I didn’t need to: Rami was on my right, Naveen on my left.

Naveen tentatively put a hand on my elbow, thumb rubbing comfortingly against my bare skin. “You trust us, right? It’s not going to be bad…”

I didn’t answer.

Rami wasn’t the type to offer empty reassurances, but he spoke up then. “We have learned what you like. We know how to read your face. You won’t need to speak, we will know.”

I nodded again. What else could I do? Insist that I didn’t want it at all? I was a fertile Omega; I didn’t need to be asked. Come down to it, I didn’t even need to be forced. The wolf would spread his legs willingly enough for any Alpha who asked. My Alphas at least wanted to take care of me.

They didn’t rush me – they just sat next to me. They didn’t try to hold me when I felt so fragile someone holding me could have very well shattered me in a million pieces. Naveen’s thumb kept is endless cycle on my elbow; Rami leaned close to my side. They waited. Then I realised my heart had slowed down and I was just staring at empty space, trying to imagine what being knotted would feel like. None of my imaginings were pleasant, so it was more like a preview of torture than a fantasy. There wasn’t any point in prolonging the wait. The sooner it was over, the sooner I would know, and then… then I could continue with my life.

I got to my feet, startling them both and not apologizing. I didn’t have any room left for unnecessary niceties.

“Come on,” I told them, striding towards the bedroom without looking back. I had no doubt they would follow.

Naveen caught with me. “Devlin, wait, it doesn’t have to be right now.”

"I'm ready," I insisted.

“Your body is,” Rami agreed. “But what about your mind? You don’t want this and on top of that to do it like this… so soon after…”

“So soon after you fucked me and turned me into this?” I sneered. “This… this halfway thing?”

“We didn’t turn you into anything,” Naveen intervened, so gently I wanted to hit him. “This is what you have always been, Devlin.”

“So why delay the inevitable then?” I spat.

“Because it upsets you and I don’t…”

I growled in frustration. “Are you willing to let only Rami fuck me?” I challenged.

My change of tactics was sudden, but Naveen’s response was impossible to misinterpret, his teeth click together in barely repressed aggression. “No.”

I ignored the way it set my heart racing, turning to Rami, who simply looked puzzled. “And you?”

He hesitated and asked, “Why are you asking this now?”

“Because I don’t want a fucking litter! And waiting another cycle and getting fucked by two Alphas will guarantee me exactly that!”

“Oh,” Naveen said, clearly surprised.

But Rami nodded. “I’d forgotten about that.”

“I didn’t know,” Naveen explained, looking shell-shocked. “I only meant…”

Rami didn’t let him finish. “Why did you ask us both then?”

I sighed, leaning against the bedroom doorway. “I know Brennan and… I don’t know any Omegas who stop once they begin,” I admitted, swallowing as if I could get rid of the lump in my throat as if it was merely an unpleasant flavour and not my body’s very justifiable alarm.

“So you want us to… take turns?” Rami asked. Naveen seemed to have been shocked into silence, and I felt like an idiot. Why hadn’t I talked them through this before? How stupid was it to put it off till the moment when it had to happen? I had saved myself the pain earlier, sure, but I wasn’t sure I could cope with talking about it and then having to do it, too.

I exhaled, and braced myself against the wall. “Not this time. Not the first time… I don’t expect you to be able to stay away while the other…” – I forced myself to get the word out – “breeds me. But if it’s this month you won’t…”

Naveen shook himself free from his spell then. “But who do you want this time then?”

I stared at him, then away. Who did I want to see me pliable and easy? Who did I want my legs to fall open for without my conscious volition? To get on top of me and hold me down while he put his cock in me as deep as it would go, this time to stay in me until he came and got his child in me?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rami take a step towards him and put a hand on his arm. “Don’t ask him that. We know the answer.” Naveen swivelled towards him, as fast as he was able. Faster than either I or Rami could follow.

“We do?” he asked dangerously.

His body blocked my view of Rami’s expression, but I couldn’t miss the growl, low and threatening, a warning impossible to ignore. I saw Naveen’s back muscles tense and, all of sudden, I was afraid. The last thing I wanted was for them to fight over me like I was a piece of meat.

I took a step closer. “Wait…”

And just like that the tension dissolved, but I wasn’t truly sure it was me that had broken it. I watched as Rami stepped closer again and put his arm around Naveen’s shoulders. Naveen responded by nuzzling Rami’s throat sweetly, except he was nuzzling another Alpha’s throat so it wasn’t a gesture of affection. Or not just that. Trust, I thought.

Rami looked up from Naveen’s face to meet my eyes over his shoulder. “We need a few minutes, Devlin.”

“Of course,” I agreed and watched them walk away from me.

I couldn’t quite understand what was going on between them, but the more I saw of it, the more I wanted to know. The more I wanted it, I guess, or something like it, an intimacy like what I had had with Dan for so long. I didn’t want it with them – not really, but I couldn’t help but envy them what they were to each other.

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I went into the bedroom alone and aimlessly sorted through my old class notes, separating them into material I was more than clear on and stuff I wanted to have another look at. The way my mind kept wandering, I probably didn’t do a very good job, but I had to do something or go crazy.

When Rami’s steps sounded in the hallway I dropped a heavy book on top of it all and got to my feet. I was surprised to see Naveen already standing on the doorway; I hadn’t heard him approach at all. Suddenly I wondered if that was what Brennan had written in his compatibility paper: abnormally good at stealth.

Before I could ask, Rami appeared behind him, and Naveen asked, “Can we come in?”

I nodded, and noticed his eyes were exaggeratedly dilated. I glanced at Rami and caught him inhaling with a beatific expression of pleasure. I nodded again, more to myself than them and turned away to face the bed. I undressed quickly, efficiently, without fuss or regard for sensuality. They didn’t need inspiring, and I could not be inspired. I had come to enjoy joining in their lovemaking, even welcomed their touch when it was within the parameters I had established.

This would be nothing like that. This would be completely out of my control; they could do whatever they wanted to me and I wouldn’t be able to stop them, probably not even ask them to stop. They had promised not to make it worse than it had to be, but it had to be bad enough. They had never mated an Omega before, in any case, how could they know they were capable of keeping their minds enough to stop their wolves from doing anything? Much less fight one of the strongest instincts of an Alpha werewolf: fuck an Omega, again and again till he was bred?

Naveen took a step towards me, looking like wanted to hold me. He took my face in his hands and kissed me instead, a little too soft but with enough tongue to make it clearly sexual. His clothes felt rough against my bare skin but I didn’t want him to take the time to undress. I didn’t want any spare time to think about what was about to happen.

When Rami joined us, pressing himself against my back and nuzzling behind my ear, it was his naked skin against me. Naveen bit my lip before disentangling himself, turning me around into Rami’s arms in the process. My mouth was taken up with his before I could draw breath, and, front-to-front, he pressed us close enough that I could feel him hard against my belly. He rubbed against me with a desperate inexperience that was nothing like his usual calm, determined, and careful manner.

I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled his head away so I could breathe, just as Naveen rejoined us, encasing me between his body and Rami’s. I leaned my forehead against Rami’s sternum as Naveen’s hands roamed from my hips down to my thighs, parting them for one of his legs to lodge between mine in a way that should have pressed against my balls. I flinched at the disparate sensation I got when he could easily press closer, knee touching the back of my cock instead. I had grown used to their absence when walking, sleeping, even swimming, but I had never had someone touch the empty space before. Naveen bit my ear, pulling till I looked to the side, Rami taking the opportunity to set his teeth to the exposed side of my neck. He didn’t bite – biting was for bonding – but he did scrape hard enough to leave a mark. He was hard as rock against me, and, more alarmingly, Naveen had lodged his own cock between my arse cheeks and was insistently rubbing himself off against my entrance. I just hoped one of them remembered lubrication. It was the best I could hope for and I was starting to fear it was too much as well.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the physical sensations. I had enjoyed touching them both and their passion had filled my cock; how hard could it be to just put my head into it as well as my body?

But I couldn’t do it, feeling so aroused when I was also panting with panic just made me feel disconnected from my body. I opened my mouth to try and say something, anything: their names, stop, please. But I couldn’t get anything out. I’m not sure if it was the wolf happily submitting or fear stoppering my words, but if Naveen hadn’t got himself together enough to say, “The bed… and lube,” I think I might have fainted. Naveen let me go, and Rami caught me when I stumbled back where he had been supporting my weight.

“Careful,” he told me, smiling, and then he blinked, and his joy cleared right off his face.

“Devlin,” he said, hands tightening on me, then letting go as if I was on fire. It wasn’t a good idea and, in truth, I didn’t mind him holding me steady. I more than not minded, I needed it – without it I wobbled in place, still not quite present in my own body. I managed to extend a hand and take hold of his arm. At the same time, I felt Naveen slip an arm around my waist from behind.

“Oh, dear,” he murmured, supporting my weight. Rami was frozen as a statue in front of us till Naveen raised his head and told him, “Get yourself together.”

Rami shook his head. “He doesn’t…”

“We know that,” Naveen told him firmly. “And Devlin knows that we know.”

I weakly tried to turn my head to look at him. I hadn’t thought he believed me – not truly, deep down. But it was clearly Rami who was surprised, who had expected… what? That my instincts would take over and I would wish to be fucked and bred? He looked pained when he raised his eyes to mine. “Devlin? Can you speak?”

I honestly didn’t know. “Yes…?” I essayed and it came out thready, but it was there.

“Are we still doing this?” he asked, more emotion on his face that I had ever seen. Naveen tensed behind me, arm tightening around my middle, but he made himself relax and brought his other arm to rub my hip with more tenderness than desire. “Because I didn’t know…” Rami licked his lips. “I didn’t know it would feel this way. I can’t promise I will be able to stop again.”

I was shaking, like I was trying to make the particles that made my body vibrate so much they would separate and I could just… disappear. Naveen kept his hold on me, and probably kept me from collapsing, too.

“It’s not so bad,” he said, intimate and close. “It’s like… it’s more intense than the sex was, but the rest hasn’t gone away either. I want to keep you safe, and I want you to be happy.” I flinched at the mention of happiness, almost an insult in these circumstances. Naveen petted me some more. “I know, I know, I swear, but I want to. I will stop, now, or later, but if Rami… well, I don’t want to risk getting into a fight.”

I nodded. I didn’t want them fighting for me any more than over me, the practice of Omegas being disputed like property wasn’t going to make me feel any better about what was happening to me.

“We could go outside? And wait? And you could…”

“No,” I said, stopping him. He waited it out till I could gather my thoughts enough to finish. “No, I don’t want time, I don’t… I don’t want to stop. Just… just remember the lube.”

“God, Devlin, we wouldn’t forget that!” Naveen replied, a little amused, but we both saw Rami swallow hard. Naveen paused for a moment too long before taking change. “Okay, let’s get to the bed, and the lube.”

He walked me there with the arm he had placed protectively around me, then sat next to me and gave me a kiss too sweet for the circumstances, more reassurance than lust. I lay back when he gestured for it and heard him squirting lubricant out. I didn’t look at him as he bent my right knee and exposed my hole. He inhaled sharply enough that I opened my eyes; his were so dark I could barely distinguish his pupils and he was flushed, looking dazed with need. Then I felt the pads of his fingers press against the puckered skin between my cheeks and I shuddered at both the intimacy and the invasion, tearing my eyes away as if his gaze could burn me.

A finger started pushing in, first just a bit, then out again to gather more lube, this time I could feel how cold it was and clenched around it. The second finger felt even odder than the first. I had felt this before, but once hadn’t got me used to it, or over the feeling that my body wanted to reject the intrusion as much as I did. In a flash I realised my cock was hard again, shiny with precome next to my belly. It was almost like it didn’t belong to me, like all I could feel was those fingers breaching me. Then Rami was there, as if appearing out of thin air. He knelt by my side and kissed my forehead, then my cheeks and finally my mouth, as romantic a gesture as red roses or moonlight walks.

And as ridiculous in this situation as those things were, I lifted my hand, took hold of his neck and kissed him back, soft but dirty and wet. It wasn’t like kissing made me forget what was happening to my lower half as Naveen kept going with the preparation, but it brought me down from wherever my mind had been floating. And I needed that, I didn’t want to feel like they were doing this to me. I had chosen to go to bed with them of my own volition for exactly that reason.

Rami’s stubble and his hands on my shoulders reminded me that there were other parts to me; made me feel them as if they had needed touch to awaken. After he got a moan out of me, he actually touched my cock, not looking at Naveen at all, just raising his head to be able to look me in the face while he did it. I arched into it, and felt Naveen’s fingers (how many now?) slide deeper into me.

“Yeah,” Rami said, watching me from up close as I pushed into his hand and then slid back down into Naveen’s slick fingers, “Just like that.”

I must have closed my eyes because I was completely unprepared for Rami moving my cock and the slick heat of a mouth enveloping it. I cried out in surprised pleasure, snapping my hips up hard without meaning to. I was firmly pushed back down, but Naveen didn’t pull off to breathe, just stroked his tongue enticingly up and down my shaft and suckled till I was squirming with the need to come. I wouldn’t be able to, though, unless one of them allowed me to. I scrabbled for Rami’s hand as a signal and he understood.

“Let him go now,” he said softly to Naveen’s bent head, and just like that something released inside me and I shouted as I felt my cock start to throb, something deep in my belly aching almost beautifully with the intensity of the orgasm rolling over me, heavy and overwhelming. Naveen kept sucking and Rami kept massaging till I tried to twist my hips away. Naveen placed a gentle kiss on my belly as I collapsed on the bed, so spent I felt my muscles had ceased to be.

Rami put his arms around me and dragged me up the bed till my head was on a pillow. “Is that comfortable?” he asked, and I nodded, letting my eyes close, sleepy and sated. I hadn’t forgotten what was happening, but it’s hard to fight endorphins even if you are scared.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, Naveen was between my legs, raising them so they hung off his thighs. He nudged my hole with a couple of fingers and slid them inside before I could even think to resist. He scissored them, and it didn’t pull – I could feel how wet I was. He must have dropped half the bottle in me, I thought. I was starting to think that was all he was going to do when the fingers came out and he guided the head of his dick in their place; it was hot and soft against my skin. He exhaled, his hand tightening on my leg, before starting to push in, the head popped past the ring of muscle and my arse clenched around him. He let out a little moan, paused, then then he kept pushing in.

It didn’t burn exactly, what with the insane amounts of lubricant, but it felt full and uncomfortable. And then it kept going and going and… I knew it fit, it had fit before, but I couldn’t stop clenching. Even as relaxed as I was from coming, I couldn’t stop wanting it out of me.

Naveen paused for a moment, caressed my face, then called out to Rami. “Kiss him again,” he asked, and Rami did, kept my mouth busy while Naveen kept pushing into me until he bottomed out. I jerked my face away from Rami, who had been kissing me without me being able to concentrate enough to participate.

“Devlin,” Naveen said and he must have used some of the Alpha’s commanding tone because I found myself looking at him.

“I’m in now.” His throat worked as he swallowed, hips jerking shallowly in me. “It won’t be long,” he promised. He’s asking me not to struggle, I thought. I hadn’t meant to struggle – it did no good to either him or me, but I wasn’t sure I could obey. But I didn’t need to – the wolf could, and it had understood. Naveen took hold of my buttocks and started thrusting in and out with hard shallow strokes, and I just stayed there and let him, even getting hard again because he wanted me hard. Then he went deeper and faster, making my cock bounce between us. I thought vaguely of touching myself, but my hands didn’t move. I could just lie there and watch his face, red and sweaty and determined as he screwed himself into me.

Rami was watching it, too, sitting next to me, eyes fixed on the place where Naveen entered me. He was hard, of course, and so fascinated he looked almost high. Naveen shouted and pulled me down the mattress, my head sliding off the pillow and bouncing on the mattress. I was flat on my back, his hip bones digging punishingly into my buttocks as he pressed as deep as he could go, the change making his cock press firmly against my prostate. I found myself pushing back against him, not sure if I was chasing the sensation or if my body was responding because he wanted me to. Then he knotted. He locked inside me, the head of his cock growing large enough inside me he couldn’t pull out, and I couldn’t pull away. With nowhere else to go, when his hips jerked, he unloaded his seed directly into my newly formed womb.

My cock jerked in sympathy, orgasm rippling through me like a strong flavour bursting in one’s tongue; even when the flavour is chocolate the shock of it is almost unpleasant. And the pressure. An Alpha’s cock ejaculates up to four times as much during breeding to fill the Omega, his womb, first, and then everything else. I moaned weakly, and I must have moved because his knot pulled painfully at my insides. I didn’t know what was worse: the mounting pressure or the hardness keeping it in. My orgasm, more an accident than an achievement, only seemed to make me more sensitive to the painful sensations originating deep inside me.

Rami tried to shush me, but I ignored him. It hurt, and it felt… wrong. It shouldn’t have, this was what my body was meant to do – what I was meant to do. But I hadn’t wanted it and I still didn’t want it now. I tried to breathe through the pain, to use the strength I had to bear what I wasn’t strong enough to stop and… then it was over, Naveen had finished coming. It still felt uncomfortable, but I was so relieved it had stopped getting worse it almost felt good in comparison.

Except he wasn’t pulling out, and I started to get anxious. I found I couldn’t twist my hips, but I could clench. It must have been uncomfortable because he grimaced and started pulling out, and with his cock came spilling the first wave of hot liquid. I felt the space between my legs grow into a thick uncomfortable mess, wetter and wetter till he finally was all the way out. He rolled over onto his back, panting hard.

I rolled off the bed and to my feet in a movement too swift for even Naveen to stop me, but I didn’t get far before he got an arm around my middle. “I just want to…” I pointed towards the bathroom’s open door, but he shook his head and held on. He can’t speak, I remember thinking, Naveen can’t speak. He wasn’t stronger than me; it was just that I couldn’t fight when he started leading me back to the bed. His seed was dripping down my thighs, although a good part of it had gushed out the moment I had got to my feet and was now puddling on the bedroom’s wooden floor. I kept my eyes down, dizzy with the warring needs to be clean and to do as I was told.

It was obvious why he refused – the instinct was the very reason knotting existed: to increase the chances of conception. Canids had developed knotting to make up for their rare heat cycles. And it worked: an 80% chance, pretty much a done deal and much more efficient than the paltry human average of 20% or 25% chances per copulation. It was also, deep down, the reason I was so desperate to wash.

With those chances it was probably useless – it made no difference if his semen stayed inside me any longer now, and what was inside would be protected from any washing I could perform in a regular bathroom. It was done. I was…

But I couldn’t think of that. I followed him to the bed. My arse felt sore and empty, like in under half an hour he had managed to change my body enough that it missed his presence. The second Naveen’s hands were off me, Rami was pushing me down onto the mattress, not bothering with pillows or the right way around. It was all the more startling for how careful he had been earlier. He bent my knees and pushed his cock against the mess of come that was my rear, trying to get in, but I was actually too slippery for it to work. He growled, frustrated and let go of my right leg. A moment later I felt him pushing against my hole. I watched his face, completely transformed by the need of his wolf, and tried not to remember that he was larger than Naveen. But I couldn’t forget it, because he also was too aroused to think of it. The head popped in and it wasn’t too bad, but then he kept going, hips jerking as he forcefully shoved halfway in, and it was like he punched the breath right of me.

I panted for air, feeling his cock stretching me open even further, further than I had thought possible. It hurt – not a lot because I was so wet, but it hurt and I couldn’t stop it or say anything. Rami hadn’t told me, but the wolf knew it nonetheless. I made myself breathe through it. It’s not that bad, I told myself, and discovered I could push my hips up onto him while I was incapable of even signalling I wanted to get away. Participation was apparently okay, and pushing back made my body open up to his, made the pain dissipate.

His thrusts were shallow, like he couldn’t quite manage the concentration required to penetrate me all the way, and then I must have loosened up because he was suddenly going in deep enough to make me choke. I grunted, my whole body seizing at his possessive pleasure at being all the way inside, at my prostate unexpectedly getting direct stimulation and finally, at the pain, as real as the other two but so out of place in their company I struggled to process it. Distantly, I heard myself whimper and Rami make a sound in response. But I didn’t have time to think of that – he was lodged so deep that holding my legs no longer worked and he hooked them on his shoulders instead, bending me in half before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back in.

I know I screamed, but I couldn’t tell you why: it was too much for my brain to understand, too much stimulation to even tell good from bad, and it kept going, building up like a fire that ate up everything I had, everything I was, consuming me till my skin was on my fire. My thighs burned with the stretch and my hole felt so alien it was almost like a whole new part of my body.

When Rami at last pressed close and took my mouth in a rough kiss, it was almost a relief to feel him growing harder and bigger inside me. It hadn’t hurt when Naveen had done it, but I hadn’t had time to heal and Rami was big enough as it was that him getting any larger could do nothing but. With his tongue in my mouth I couldn’t even grit my teeth through it, so I was making noise, a lot of noise, as his length settled inside me, locking into me like a key into a lock. I opened, but it didn’t feel as if I should have, not when he started seeding and I felt my belly start to throb with the amount. I don’t know if there was more liquid or if there was simply less space left with his cock there, but the pressure built and built till I had to scream for relief, tearing my mouth away from his to gasp for air and then curling my hands around his upper arms, clawing at his skin as a drowning man clings to water. And it still didn’t stop.

At that point Rami had as little control over his cock as I did over my arse, but he seemed to have come back to himself. He caressed the side of my face, and pushed my hair back from my sweaty forehead, murmuring, “It’ll be okay. Just breathe…”

I got in two more half-breaths before it stopped, and by then I realised he wasn’t petting me but drying the tears flowing down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and turned my head, not wanting to see him pull out or to have him watch my tearstained face. Even so, the relief of it was so strong it made me tremble under him in a way he couldn’t have missed.

I barely waited till he was out before turning to lie on my side, clasping my hands together as if that way I could keep myself from falling apart. I heard Naveen move closer and prayed he wouldn’t try and touch me. I didn’t think I could bear it, my body sore from them fucking and breeding me, their seed mixing up inside me, dripping out of me and marking me as theirs. Oh, God, I thought, their… I was fucking pregnant. I couldn’t do the math right then but I knew it without a doubt. It was done. I had let them…

And suddenly I was drenched. I startled, looking around in alarm, claws and teeth out, and found Naveen looking apologetic with an empty glass in his hand. “What…?”

“You were having a panic attack,” he explained, mouth twisting.

That didn’t help. I had to close my eyes again against a wave of dizziness. I wanted to get out, but I didn’t know where.

“Devlin,” Naveen said in Alpha tones, and I had to look at him, even if I couldn’t quite focus my gaze enough. “I know you don’t want me to touch you, but you are scaring me. You need to put yourself together.”

I stared at him, the notion so beyond anything I could imagine being capable of that it seemed almost cruel to bring it up. Then Rami stepped closer and touched Naveen’s back. “You need to shift,” he told me. “The wolf won’t be scared. It will know you are safe.”

I liked the idea – even if my wolf and I could never see eye to eye, I liked transforming. It was easy. But I couldn’t think, I couldn’t find the place in my head where the wolf was and call it forward. They waited patiently for me to say something, then Naveen turned to Rami, not speaking but clearly communicating something because Rami suggested, “If we shift, he will follow.”

They stepped back from the bed and then there they were: a black and a white wolf. When I blinked my eyes open, the world had lost most of its colour, and when the black wolf came to nuzzle my nose, I licked him in welcome. They led me out of the house and I followed because they were my Alphas. Then they started running and I ran as well. One of them brought down a rabbit for me and I ate it. They led me to the cave they had found me in so long ago, a place that smelt of all of us still, and nudged me till I curled up with them. And I slept.

Previous: Chapter Eleven
Next: Chapter Thirteen