Some days it was simply and purely enjoyable. I had slowly gone from reluctance to timidly looking forward to joining them in bed and watching as Rami came apart under Naveen’s hands and mouth without seemingly any thought to propriety.
But some days it was harder. That night, Rami got bolder; he was licking down Naveen’s shaft, Naveen flat on his back on the bed and panting like a freight train, and Rami had just kept going. When he nuzzled his balls, Naveen shuddered all over, breath catching in his throat in a way that made me lean forward and kiss him deeply. He allowed it, as he usually allowed himself to be touched freely by Rami. He couldn’t have mistaken me for him, not even with his eyes closed, but perhaps it was good enough a pretence. I opened his mouth up with my tongue, taking advantage of how breathless he was to take absolute control of the kiss. He sucked on my tongue, then seized up under me, hands coming up to clutch at my biceps with bruising force.
“Rami,” he almost screeched, and I thought he was about to push us both away, but Rami must have been doing something right, if shocking, because instead Naveen clenched his eyes shut and stayed where he was in both our grasps. I raised myself and turned a little, curious, to find Rami’s mouth buried behind Naveen’s heavy balls. He was rimming him. Just what Naveen had done to me. It was a mistake to move out of the way, though, because Naveen pushed himself up on his elbows and ordered, in a voice crackling with Alpha will and shame both, “Stop!”
Rami froze, then lifted his head. He was flushed, lips red and absolutely gorgeous. He also looked wary and tense in a way I had never seen him around either of us. “I wasn’t going to…”
“You weren’t going to fuck me?” Naveen growled. “You were going to get me all wet for you, begging for it and then you weren’t going to put your cock in me? Do you really expect me to believe that?” I scrambled off the bed, barely keeping in a louder reaction. The wolf’s instincts were going into overdrive at an Alpha’s anger.
Rami, at least, was still in control. He stayed on his knees, a submissive position if there was ever one, and looked up at Naveen, right in the eye. “I was not going to fuck you. I just wanted you to know how good rimming feels because I know you haven’t had it done to you before.”
This was clearly privileged information only Naveen’s Alpha lover was entitled to. Although, to be fair, I had never asked either of them about their sexual history. It was obvious to me neither Alpha would have bottomed, but apparently Rami had been rimmed by a past lover, who was possibly not a wolf?
Naveen was on Rami in an instant, clawed hand clasping his throat, teeth sharp as he spat the words, “I am not an Omega. See that you don’t forget again.”
And with that, he pushed Rami down and got off the bed. A moment later we heard paws scrapping the floor outside. The wolf relaxed, and only then did I realise my lover had just spoken of what I was as if it disgusted him. He had just threatened Rami because he had implied he was an Omega.
It was stupid to be hurt; I hadn’t forgotten Naveen insisting I had a right to be taken care of during sex, or his reluctance to jerk me off while Rami was fucking me. What had I been thinking? That because he let me kiss him he had stopped being an Alpha and I an Omega? That could never change; that was the whole point…
I looked up from the floor behind the bedside table where I had fled to when Naveen had got angry, and saw that Rami was still on the floor himself. I licked my lips and pushed myself to standing. “Rami?” I asked, unsure. Would he be angry?
He didn’t react for a second, then his shoulders slumped. “I really fucked up.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said, almost angrier than I was sad.
Rami’s eyes flew to mine, surprised but also… hopeful. “I didn’t?”
“No,” I declared, with all the conviction of a convert. “Naveen has no business fucking anybody if he thinks it’s so horrible. And you weren’t going to do it anyway.”
Rami shook his head. “I did fuck up. I scared him. Just like I scare you.”
“You don’t scare me,” I snapped. “I’m scared of what we have to do. Not of you.”
It wasn’t completely true. I was scared of him – not because he was a bad person, but because he had so much power over me.
He pushed himself up, powerful arm muscles contracting and releasing before the rest of his perfectly sculpted body surged from behind the bed like Venus from the waves. My eyes couldn’t help but roam. “Are you really not afraid?”
I shook my head. In a way, I thought, I wasn’t lying, and that’s how I could tell it to him without any hesitation he would detect. In a way it was true – I wasn’t scared of Rami, I was scared of Alphas. And as the days went by, Rami had become more than that to me.
“Not anymore.” I kept my eyes on his. “I trust you,” I said, feeling every centimetre of exposed skin flare as he slowly came around the foot of the bed.
“I won’t fuck up. Not that I won’t do this again.” He waved behind him to indicate what had just happened. “But I won’t mess up when it really matters. I promise.”
“I know. I’m your Omega, and you will take care of me,” I said, and I couldn’t quite keep my tiredness out of it.
“No!” He insisted. “Not just that. I will take care of you, Devlin. I will give you what you need, what you ask me for. As much as I can.” He crossed the final step between us and bumped our hands together. “I know it’s not been long but I…” He slowly took hold of my limp fingers in his larger ones. “I don’t want to lose this.”
I started, remembering that I didn’t have to stay with him even if he bred me. Of course, it was an option Omegas supposedly always had, but in practice rarely exercised. It wasn’t surprising since Dominant Alphas didn’t let perfectly fertile Omegas wander about freely after being bred a single time. The only real out was so rare that it didn’t bear thinking about: some Omegas weren’t fertile or could not carry a pregnancy to term successfully. Because they were werewolves still, they tended to survive the abortions and complications their babies couldn’t, but no responsible Dominant would suggest they keep trying. My own mother was one of these rare cases, and, had I been female, I might have held some hope for the poor workings of my own reproductive system. But more extensive reading had revealed that by being born male and only developing as an Omega later in life, I was as safe as anybody, probably safer considering the unlikeliness of two different reproductive defects in a single line that had, after all, survived long enough to produce me.
I didn’t answer Rami’s declaration. I couldn’t without hurting his feelings and I couldn’t lie to spare them. Instead I focused on a problem I could solve, a problem that could take me away from the awkward situation in which I unexpectedly found myself. “Do you want me to go get Naveen?”
Rami hesitated, then nodded, giving my hand a last lingering squeeze before letting go. “You better shift, though. Who knows how far he’s gone…” I nodded back, smiling at the prospect of a run, and did.
I didn’t want to see Naveen at all, but my wolf didn’t care how he had hurt my feelings, just that its Alpha was hurt and needed help. It was easy to let it run the show, just enjoy the breeze and not worry about much beyond finding him and maybe some water on the way. It was surprisingly easy to follow his trail, his smell clearer to me than it should have been among the sharp distinctive smell of fir trees; so different from the Scottish pine trees that the wolf knew with certainty it was home even if we were a few kilometres away from the main enclave of pack land where the Dominant’s house sat. It also helped that Naveen hadn’t gone far: I found him in a clearing, tearing into a rabbit with gusto that spoke of violence more than hunger.
The wolf whined low in its throat, and Naveen raised his head and briefly showed me his teeth. The wolf whined again, and lowered itself to the ground. The black wolf kept eating and only when the rabbit was a mess of bones and spilled blood did it turn towards me and approach. My wolf made a questioning noise, and Naveen deigned to get close enough for it to lick the blood off his snout. He accepted that as his due, and after he was clean wandered away. My wolf whimpered, interpreting that as rejection, and I found myself running after him. Naveen glanced back at me and then started running himself, and just like that, the chase was on. We went through the trees like we were flying, so fast we were barely avoiding crashing into inopportunely placed vegetation and rocks. I wasn’t particularly fast on four legs and Naveen was perhaps slightly above average, so with the advantage of an early start he managed to take a turn I couldn’t predict and lost me.
The wolf was still puzzling over where he had gone when we got jumped from the left – he snapped his jaw at the attacker, who was, of course, Naveen. Luckily I missed, and all that happened was that Naveen toppled me over and we rolled around on the branch-littered ground, playfully snapping teeth that could have broken clear through a human hand. I liked the game, but when I was around an Alpha in wolf form I never felt quite in control. I wasn’t sure if it was the Alpha or my own wolf controlling my actions, but it certainly wasn’t me throwing the fight and letting Naveen get his teeth around my neck. He tugged a little, then released me and nuzzled me till I got to my feet. Then I felt him push against my back, his front paws suddenly at my sides. I buckled, the wolf as happy to refuse the advance as I was, and rolled over a few meters over before shifting back.
“What the fuck?” I gasped between coughing out the goddamned hair. Naveen laid down and looked up at me with perfect equanimity, big innocent canine yes, as if he hadn’t just… “Naveen, you need to change back the fuck now.” I stared at him licking his own damn snout and gave an ultimatum I probably couldn’t have issued if we hadn’t been separated by different shapes. “If I walk away from you now, it’s over.” Then I turned on my heel, not giving him any more time to think about it.
“Wait,” came his hoarse voice and I turned back to him, feeling suddenly exposed in my nakedness now that he had joined me. “I’m sorry,” he said, blushing fiercely. “I… I know we said we wouldn’t. Now, till you... but Rami really got me going and then… it’s hard to remember stuff I said when I’m a wolf.”
“It’s hard to remember stuff you said?” I echoed. “You just tried to mount me.”
“I know,” he said. “It’s just that for my wolf you are his mate.”
My vision seemed to waver in front of my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
He swallowed, eyes roaming. “Well, he thinks you are his mate so…” He waved a hand in what I suppose he thought was a description.
“So it thinks it can mount my wolf?” I asked in horror.
Naveen frowned. “That’s what mates do, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not!” I snapped, revolted.
“Well, maybe they didn’t tell you…”
“No,” I interrupted. “They did not forget to tell me this. This is not how we do things in this pack. We are werewolves, not wolves. We do not have sex in animal form.”
“But, Devlin, when you are female…”
“When I’m female?”
Naveen swallowed, backing away a step. “I think we should head back now because I’m completely out of my league here and I really need Rami,” he said quickly.
“No, finish that fucking sentence or I swear…” I clenched my teeth, suddenly too big for my mouth.
“Just…” He hesitated, eyes wide and scared. “…Just promise you won’t run away again.”
I trembled with rage, nails digging painfully into my own palms. “I will do no such thing!”
“Okay,” he quickly agreed. “Just… just promise you will go to the cave, the same one. We won’t come over, but I need to know you will be safe.”
“Okay, whatever,” I said. I just couldn’t take the tension any more. Naveen seemed satisfied. He folded himself down into what looked like a comfortable position despite his nakedness. I only noticed that he was sitting and I was standing over him.
“I thought you had read up on male Omegas, but I guess you didn’t get to the part about birthing…” He gave me a moment. He was right, of course, I had figured I could give myself a break there, considering that once they got it in me, it would eventually have to come out no matter what I did, and it didn’t seem especially practical to know how except to drive myself crazy about it. “Well, we are shifters, that’s why you can change to…” He swallowed and didn’t say the words, didn’t talk about the way my balls had retreated into my body to form ovaries or how a womb was forming inside me as we spoke. “But because this is your natural form, it’s more settled, so you won’t change any further physically.” He swallowed thickly enough that I could hear it. “Your wolf will.”
“My wolf will what?”
Naveen bit his lip, then blurted it out. “It will become female so it can give birth and nurse the pups.”
I had to close my eyes at that and breathe deep. Give birth. I had known it would happen but to think of the changes taking place, of losing my cock, too, of growing heavy both as a wolf and as a person… I realised I was panting, breaths coming out short and staticky. And then there were hands on my upper arms.
“It’s ok,” Naveen murmured. “You don’t need to shift. You won’t even know…” I leaned into him, not quite letting my knees buckle but almost, and he held me upright easily, all the while murmuring his pointless platitudes.
We were really too far to walk as we were, naked and barefoot, but Naveen didn’t say a thing about it, just guided me through a path between the trees. And maybe none of his reassurances were true, none of his comforts made any difference to what was happening to me because no words could fix the world; but his shoulder under my arm was real, his arm taking my weight was real. Naveen was real, and he was there for me.