“Hey princess how’re you doing?” Damn she looks so sad.
“I’m fine daddy.”
“You sure, anything you need to talk about?” She shrugged her shoulders and picked at her nail. Shit, just like her mother, talking to her is like pulling teeth.
“Okay then if you’re sure you’re okay.” I turned to make my escape but I should’ve known better dealing with Kat number two.
“Daddy.” Shit she was tearing up.
I’m gonna kill that little fuck for making my princess cry. “What is it baby? What’s wrong?”
I walked over and sat on the bed next to her, wrapping my arm around her. She put her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest. Still daddy’s little girl. Why couldn’t she stay little and sweet for at least the next thirty years? Why did she need to go getting mixed up with boys and shit?
“He’s leaving daddy, he’s moving away and I’m just going to die if I don’t see him again. You have to do something daddy please.”
What the fuck? What the fuck has this kid been doing with my kid? If I find out he’s been doing more than holding her hand on my couch, I’ll bury his ass in the backyard; lil punk.
“Baby, you’re not gonna die, come on. You’ll make other friends, it’s not as bad as all that. What about all those nice girls that are always here eating me out of house and home…”
“It’s not the same thing, he’s my boyfriend, we’re in love…”
“You’re in what? KAT…”
She came running on the double. “What, what’s happened?”
She looked at me like she thought I’d killed our daughter or some shit. If anyone was in danger of being strangled it was her little ass. “Your daughter just informed me that she’s in love. How the fu…how did this happen?” She rolled her eyes and walked over to hug Caitie bear, taking her out of my arms. “Don’t roll your eyes at me woman, I wanna know what’s been going on around here.”
“Colton, calm down nothing’s going on geez. Caitlin it’s going to be okay, stop crying now, you’ll only make yourself sick.” I watched as my wife soothed my daughter’s breaking heart and felt like an ass.
I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do about the kid leaving town, or more to the point what my wife and kid expected, but I didn’t like her hurting like this. I left the room when they started whispering, I probably had five minutes to spare and I was gonna use that time to check on my shop. Anything to get away from dealing with my baby telling me she was in love.
The little one gave me a knowing look when I came out the bedroom. What the fuck was that about? “You scare me kid.” I’m gonna have her mom have another talk with her. She’s probably been listening at doors and shit again.
“Catalina, don’t you have homework, a science project, some form of mass destruction to plot?” I spend more time in the principal’s office with this one than at my shop. I had to tell the asshole principal if he suspended my kid for being a kid I’d cap his ass.
What the fuck they expect to happen when they put a nosy ass, inquisitive, troublemaker in a lab? It’s all her mother can do to keep her from burning down the house with her shit. Now they got this higher learning bullshit for advanced kids, and this one conned them into thinking she’s a brain and they let her loose in their school. Good for their ass.
They tried selling me on some home schooling bullshit, but they’re fucked. From the hours of eight to three, Monday to Friday she’s theirs. As long as she’s in one piece when she gets off the bus in the evenings, I give a fuck.
“Daddy, what’s wrong with Caitie?” Shit, here come twenty questions. “Nothing.”
“Then why is she crying? And why is mom…”
“Catalina go read a book.”
“That’s boring, so, is it Todd?” Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Nosy fuck.
“What it is, is none of your business.” She gave me her mother’s patented look and walked away. But not before one last parting shot.
“Fine then, be mean; I won’t tell you what’s been going on.”
Shit, she got me. Apart from causing chaos and mayhem, she’s my little snitch. Watergate ain’t got shit on her. “Come ‘ere pumpkin.” Damn, I wonder what this is gonna cost me. I wish the women in my life weren’t so damn sneaky.
She gave me a sweet angelic smile as she made her way back to me, but there was no hiding that look in her eye. This kid is going to be on the evening news one day and she won’t be the one behind the desk, damn. What the fuck happened to my life?
I followed her back to her room where I knew she was going to fleece me again. At least once a week she cons me out of something. She’s good at what she does. She collects info all week and corners me when she’s ready for a trade. Fucking spooks will probably be knocking at my door before she’s thirteen. They’d either be looking to recruit her or haul her in for espionage or some fuck.
“Elena, what are you and your posse doing here?” It was two days later and I’d come home a little early to a full house of nosy ass women. My knee was the least of my worries and I’d told Kat as much when I went back to the shop. Between her and her damn kids, it’s a wonder I hadn’t ran away the last few days, always some fuck going on.
“We’re here for Caitlin.”
“Caitie Bear, what’s wrong with my kid?” I walked to the fridge to grab a bottled water. From the looks of it this one planned to stick around and I wanted no part of it.
“We’re having a little female intervention. You know she’s not doing so well with her boyfriend moving away.” I’ma kill this old lady swear to fuck.
“She doesn’t have a boyfriend.” I felt a headache coming on.
“Of course she does, you know Todd.”
“She’s fifteen, she doesn’t have a boyfriend; what the hell is wrong with you people?”
“Oh Colton grow up, she’ll be sixteen soon.
“You wanna get that little fucker killed keep talking shit in my house.”
“Listen son, you’d better get your act together or you’re gonna drive her away. Next thing you know she’ll be moving across the country to live with him and we’ll lose our girl, all because you’re too bull headed to get with the times.”
Fucking girl hasn’t even finished high school and already mom had her married off and living half way around the country.
“Are you people trying to drive me crazy? What all are you lot supposed to be doing anyway?” I would tell her to get the hell out, but she won’t do it and then I’d have to listen to her daughter in law the rest of the night with her shit about my behavior.
“We’re gonna have a spa day, the whole works. Then we’ll have pizza and ice cream because that’s Caitlin’s favorite.”
“Where’s your dope head husband?” I couldn’t listen to any more of her shit or I’d lose mine.
“Oh he’s somewhere back there with the boys, you know how he gets when he’s around them. Only one thing Colton, can you maybe take Catalina out somewhere for a couple hours?”
“Why?” Shit, she was trying to stick me with the spawn.
“Well you know she’s rather inquisitive, and I just think Caitlin needs all our attention now, just this one time, please.”
“Hah, no.” Hell if I’m gonna take my little spy out of the works, how else am I supposed to know what the hell goes down at this little impromptu party of theirs? Just then the other one came into the kitchen.
“Oh hi honey I didn’t hear you come in. Come on Elena the rest are waiting.” She tried giving me a little peck like that shit was gonna work after being gone for eight hours. I bent her double and laid one on her, while my nosy ass mother snickered like a five year old. “Kat what’s going on around here, what’s this about an intervention?”
“Well it’s not really an intervention per-se. We just want to make Caitie feel better that’s all.” This shit smacked of Elena and her meddling ass. I gave her the look that she’s been ignoring all my damn life, fucking woman.
“I suggest you and the rest of your crew pack your shit up and head out. Caitlin isn’t suffering from anything that a good grounding won’t cure. I already spoke to her; this boy moving away is not the end of the world. She wants to act like her life is over, six weeks in her room should cure her of that shit.”
I left the room before they could beat me over the head with their moral indignation outrage fuckery. I give a fuck. My kid’s been moping around here like someone had died and shit for the past few days. Every time I looked at her she gave me the sad eyes.
There wasn’t shit I could do about the lil punk moving, but she seemed to think there was. And since daddy always made everything right in her world, she was expecting the same this time too. Daddy was happy as fuck with this turn of events thank you very much, and wasn’t about to do shit even if there was something he could do.
Things calmed down or seemed to for the next little while and I hadn’t heard any more about the lil punk and his move. I wasn’t sure what was going on there since he was still sniffing around my kid every damn evening like clockwork, but at least my little girl wasn’t looking like death.
Xmas was nipping at my heels and I hadn’t heard shit about any secret missions so I was breathing easy again these days. There were no phone calls from the school telling me to come get my kids, and for once it looked like my life was gonna get back on track for the holidays.
“Kat where’s Catalina?” I don’t even want to think about why she entered my mind just then. I’d heard the boys, seen Caitie Bear, but realized I hadn’t caught a glimpse of my little shadow ninja since I came home. If she wasn’t eavesdropping, or banging away at that piano, her pothead of a grandfather gave her to annoy my ass, then who knows what the fuck.
“Oh crap, I haven’t seen her since she came in here while I was feeding Cody. She was trying to tell me something about one of the boys and she was fit to be tied, but the baby was fussing so I didn’t really pay attention.”
“Well fuck.” I passed off the baby who was nodding his head half asleep and left the room almost at a run.